Why Amicable Divorce

There are a lot of misconceptions about divorce. Divorce conjures up images of movies such as Kramer v. Kramer, where the parties engage in a protracted custody battle, or War of the Roses, where the parties literally kill each other.

Surprisingly, it is the divorce lawyer, Gavin D’Amato (Danny DeVito) in War of the Roses who was most prophetic when he tells Oliver Rose, “There is no winning in this, its only degrees of losing!”

However, D’Amato was incorrect. Had the Roses pursued an amicable divorce, and employed methods such as collaborative divorce or facilitative mediation, they could have crafted a win-win solution that kept their entire house intact. Of course, it would have made for a very boring movie.

First, amicable divorce does not mean “uncontested” divorce. An amicable divorce is simply a more civil method of negotiating the contested issues in your divorce. Both parties can (and should) hire their own attorneys. Both parties should still obtain enough information about the issues in the divorce to make an informed decision and both parties can hire experts to assist them with their decision making or advocating their position.

The primary difference is the attitude of the parties and their attorneys. By simply agreeing not to engage in a contentious divorce, the parties can preserve their sanity, save money and negotiate a settlement that truly is in the best interests of both parties and their children.

There are almost no benefits to a contentious divorce. However, there are countless benefits to an amicable divorce, including:

• Fewer court visits. The more contentious the divorce, the more court appearances that you and your attorney will have to make. That means taking a day off of work and spending several hours in court waiting for the case to be heard. And, of course, paying the attorney for the time spent waiting in court. The law requires that a Complaint for Divorce be filed to start the process and that a Judgment of Divorce be entered at the conclusion for the divorce for the divorce to be effective. But how you get from Point A to Point B is up to you and your lawyer.
• Reduced impact on the children. Regardless of how hard the parties work, children are negatively affected by the divorce. Further, children are very perceptive and the more contentious the divorce, the greater chance for a deep emotional impact. By keeping the negotiations amicable, it is easier to shield the children from the harms of the divorce. And by keeping the focus on the children, the parties can reach a settlement that places the children ahead of the adults.
• Keep your personal life private. Everything that takes place in court is a matter of public record. Anyone can access the court files, which may contain your personal and/or business information. By resolving your divorce amicably, your personal information stays out of the court files and out of the courtroom.
• Amicable divorce can be considerably cheaper. Your divorce only has to cost as much as you and your spouse want it to cost. By avoiding litigation, you can avoid much of the cost of a typical divorce. Most of the expense is incurred during discovery, the information gathering stage of the case. Simply by voluntarily exchanging financial documents the parties can save unnecessary expense. Further, the parties may agree to share experts, such as appraisers, to reduce costs.

For these and other reasons, we strongly advise our clients to attempt to resolve the issues in their divorces amicably.

At Pitler Family Law, our Michigan divorce attorneys handle family law, divorce, child custody, parenting time, visitation, child support and alimony matters throughout the Detroit metropolitan area, including Farmington Hills, Livonia, Bloomfield Hills, Troy, Royal Oak, Birmingham, Rochester, Mt. Clemens, Dearborn, Warren, Southfield, and all of Oakland County, Wayne County, Livingston County, and Macomb County.